After scary, unexpected or violent events happen, it can be difficult as caregivers to know how to talk to your kids about the issue. As you consider how and what to share with your kids, take a deep breath and recall that your role is to be the supportive, trusting adult who can provide information safely and with comfort. Parents should share simple facts about what occurred and balance it with how people and communities are responding to the tragedy to support affected people. It is important to match the type and amount of information to the developmental level of the child.

• Share simple facts while balancing them with how people are supporting those affected.
• Ask open-ended questions to understand what they know and correct misconceptions.
• Validate emotions by acknowledging feelings like fear or confusion.
• Provide comfort through routines, hugs and quality time.
• Limit media exposure to reduce anxiety.

How parents can stay calm

As parents, we want to have all the right responses and answers. It is important that parents/caregivers take the time to acknowledge their own emotions and thoughts related to learning of the news. They may feel confused, sad, angry or even numb. Observing and labeling your own emotions and thoughts is ‘allowed’ and important so that you can maintain a calm demeanor when speaking with your children.

• Use coping strategies to calm your body like deep breathing, prayer, meditation, exercise or watching a movie.
• Connect with others — talk to friends, your partner or colleagues.
• Engage in activities that align with your values such as volunteering, spending time with loved ones, donating to a food or clothing bank.

Coping with family loss

Coping with family loss can take time. It is important to recognize that not all individuals process death and loss in the same way. Adults and children alike can feel overwhelmed by memories, feelings and thoughts. At other times, they may feel the urge to avoid and push away these reactions.

• Encourage remembrance: Use the loved one’s name, share pictures and reminisce about memories.
• Allow time to grieve: Sitting quietly and thinking about the loved one, listen to music that reminds you of that person, share their memories with family.
• Engage in rituals: Participate in family, cultural or religious traditions for comfort and familiarity.
• Maintain routines: Stick to regular sleep, meals and daily activities to create stability.
• Stay socially connected: Avoid isolation by reaching out to friends and family.
• Seek support if needed: Consider counseling services for members who appear to be struggling to express emotions or do regular activities.
• Prepare for waves of grief: Plan ahead for birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions to honor and remember the loved one.

Additional resources

• How to Talk With Kids About Tragedies & Other Traumatic News Events – HealthyChildren.org
• AAP Tips on Talking to a Child after a Disaster | American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)
• How to Support Your Child’s Resilience in a Time of Crisis – HealthyChildren.org
• Childhood Exposure to Violence – HealthyChildren.org
• Disasters and Children (AAP)
• Helping Children Cope and Adjust After a Disaster (AAP)
• Just Checking In: 10 Minutes, 10 Questions – IDONTMIND
• Workplace Mental Health – Knowing the Warning Signs (APA)
• 7 Questions to Help People Talk About Their Mental Health | Psychology Today