Children with autism often feel things very strongly. They might get really upset over things that seem small to other people. Their reactions might seem really big or hard to understand. When your child is overwhelmed, it can be tough for them, for you, and for others around you. In this article, we’ll share some tips to help your child manage their big feelings.

Stopping overload and meltdowns before they start

One of the best ways to handle a meltdown is to try to prevent it. You won’t be able to stop every meltdown, but you can watch for patterns and things that upset your child.

• Changes and transitions: Many autistic kids find it hard to handle changes in their routine. Try going over plans with your child ahead of time and giving warnings before something changes. Keep your language simple and give reminders. Visual schedules (like pictures showing what’s next) can help. Some kids can handle a full week’s schedule, while others might just need to see what’s happening in the morning.
• Sensory triggers: Loud sounds, bright lights or certain clothes can bother autistic kids. Tools like noise-canceling headphones or taking a quiet break can help.
• Being around people: Even kids who love being around others can get really tired after social time. Your child may need a quiet break afterward to recharge.

What to do during a meltdown

Even if you plan ahead, your child will still have hard moments sometimes. They might be reacting to something you didn’t expect, or just having a rough day. Here’s how you can help:

1. Calm yourself first: When your child is upset, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed too — especially in public. But if you stay calm, your child is more likely to calm down too. Try taking a deep breath or saying something calming to yourself. This also shows your child how to use calming strategies.
2. Stop talking for a bit: People don’t communicate well when they’re really upset — and this is especially true for autistic kids. Even very talkative kids might not be able to speak or listen when they’re overwhelmed. It’s okay to be quiet and give them a moment. Later, you can use pictures, hand signs or short words (spoken or written) to start helping them again.
3. Use a calming tool: Before trying to fix the problem, help your child calm down. They may not want to use a calming tool right away — and that’s okay! You can show them how, by taking a deep breath, singing a soft song, using a sensory toy or giving a hug. Offer things like water, a walk, a calming toy or a fidget to help them relax.

Once your child is calm, then you can talk about what upset them or return to whatever they were doing. If they’re upset about a rule or a consequence, you can go back to it after they’re calm. Taking a break to calm down is not “letting them get away” with something — it’s teaching them how to handle big feelings so they can try again.

When you need more help

If you’ve been trying these tips and your child still has meltdowns very often — or if their meltdowns are very intense, like hurting themselves or others — it might be time to get extra help. Your child might benefit from working with a therapist or taking medicine to help with strong feelings.

If you’re not sure what to do next, talk to your doctor about other options to help your child.