As Valentine’s Day approaches, stores fill with cards, candy and messages about romance. For many teens, this time of year can feel exciting — but it can also bring pressure, confusion and emotional stress. As a pediatrician, I want to use this moment to talk about something far more important than flowers or social media posts: healthy relationships.

Adolescence is a critical period for emotional and social development. The relationships teens form — romantic, platonic and digital — help shape how they see themselves and how they relate to others well into adulthood. Valentine’s Day offers a timely opportunity for families to reflect on what healthy love really means.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

A healthy teen relationship is built on respect, trust and communication. These qualities may sound simple, but they are powerful protective factors for both mental and physical health.

In healthy relationships:

• Both people feel safe being themselves.
• Boundaries are respected — emotionally, physically and digitally.
•  Disagreements are handled without threats, manipulation or humiliation.
• There is mutual support for friendships, school goals and family connections.

It’s important to remind teens that jealousy, constant monitoring or pressure to share passwords, photos or location is not a sign of love. These behaviors can be early warning signs of unhealthy or controlling dynamics.

The role of social media and digital pressure

Today’s teens navigate relationships not only in hallways and classrooms, but also online. Valentine’s Day can amplify comparison and insecurity — who got a gift, who posted a photo and who didn’t.

As a pediatrician, I often see how digital pressure affects teens’ self-esteem and emotional well-being. Encourage teens to remember that what they see online is a carefully curated highlight reel — not the full story. Healthy relationships do not require public validation or constant digital availability.

A helpful rule of thumb to share with teens is this: If something wouldn’t feel okay in person, it’s probably not okay online either.

Self-worth comes first

One of the most important messages we can give teens — especially around Valentine’s Day — is that their value does not depend on being in a relationship. Being single is not a failure, and having a partner is not a measure of maturity or success.

Healthy relationships grow best when teens have a strong sense of self-worth, interests and support systems outside of dating. Encourage activities that build confidence, such as sports, arts, volunteering and friendships. Remind teens that learning who they are is just as important as learning who they might like.

How parents and caregivers can help

You don’t need to have all the answers to make a difference. What teens need most is a trusted adult who listens without judgment.

Some simple ways to support healthy teen relationships include:

• Start conversations early and often. Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think makes a relationship healthy?”
• Model respect in your own relationships. Teens learn as much from what they see as from what they’re told.
• Normalize asking for help. Let teens know they can come to you — or another trusted adult or healthcare provider — if something feels wrong.

If you notice changes such as withdrawal, anxiety, declining grades or fear related to a relationship, take them seriously. Pediatricians are trained to help screen for emotional stress and relationship concerns and can be an important resource for families.

A Valentine’s message that lasts

This Valentine’s Day, let’s expand the conversation beyond romance. Let’s talk about kindness, consent, self-respect and emotional safety. These are the foundations of healthy relationships — and healthy hearts — for life.

Whether your teen is dating, curious, heartbroken or happily single, remind them that the most important relationship they will ever have is with themselves. That is a message worth celebrating every day of the year.